I won’t worry my life away

With each day comes a victory as I get one step closer to redemption.  I have found the remedy.

Live High

In order to live high, we need to live a life where we serve others.  Not in greed, but in humility.  Not because we are good, but instead because we are lucky.

Drinking

I remember my first year, I didn’t drink a sip.  I told people drinking was wrong.  I told them I didn’t do it because I was Christian.  I was a douche bag first year.  I will be the first to admit it.

Now I’m 21 and a whole new world is available to me.  Granted, alcohol was never a really big problem for me.  I never drank a lot, the only time I lost my head was on my 21st… It was probably due to the fact that alcohol was always readily available to me from my family and I thought nothing special of it.

Things have changed since that first year.  Pastor Alex is always saying, when you’re young you think you know everything, and then you grow up a little bit and then things all of a sudden change, as you mature.  I think I’ve reached a very comfortable position in terms of drinking.  Honestly, alcohol is not the problem, its people who are irresponsible that are the problem.

When Pastor Alex said along the lines  “Some people honestly need to drink a beer, and others need to put it down,” I was just like WHOA! I’ve never heard a pastor say that.  Pastors always tell you not to drink completely you know?  But when you think about it, it is kind of true.  There are honestly people out there who need to lighten up sometimes.  A beer is not going to kill you,  but the other side is also true.  Alcoholism is a big issue, and there are people who just can’t control themselves and should not drink at all. But in the end it should be up to the person, and if they don’t drink then I respect that, but don’t go all preaching about it.  As Henry Kaiser said it best , “If your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt.”

I don’t know how many people have come up to me and say “Oh you drink? That’s so bad. I don’t drink.”  Then they turn around and they go feel up their bf/gf, talk some trash about someone, and just be a sinner in general.  It is people like you, who makes Christians look bad.  The reason that people call Christians “hypocritical”.  They use this “I don’t drink” card to simply justify their so called “holiness” to make themselves feel better.

I guess drinking wouldn’t be such a big issue if I wasn’t Christian and in a Christian ministry.  Its funny though due to the double life it kind of creates in people.  I was oblivious to it my first year but saw it my second year and at first I was kind of surprised, almost felt deceived.  People in CCM, they can’t possibly drink can they?  They put up such Godly characters at school, at CCM, that they possibly couldn’t drink.  When I asked around, people would kind of dodge the questions, noting the scene wasn’t exactly an appropriate place.  It was hard for me to understand why no one would talk about it. The fact that people were keeping it a dark secret just made it a lot worse, a lot more disappointing.  There were a few people who openly admitted it and didn’t have a problem with me knowing that they drank, and seriously, those were the people that I respected.

As I found out about more people who drank, it kind of hurt.  I was naive.  I’ve come to realize now that we’re in college and shoot, instead of being hurt when I find out that people drink, I should feel happy when I find out that people don’t drink too much.  I can probably count with one hand, the number of people who don’t drink in my class.  If I had to put a number on it, I would say at LEAST 50% of the people in CCM drink in some form, 30% I am not sure, and 20% probably don’t.  And I am sure its not just CCM, but probably every other ministry out there (actually probably a lot MORE for other ministries).

I’m not promoting drinking in any way… I know firsthand that alcohol can be bad, and underage drinking now is pretty ridiculous with all those stupid high schoolers who get wasted like every week. Sams party is tonight and I know people are gonna come up to me and pressure me to drink.  And when I say no, they think its because I’m a SG leader in CCM and whatnot but thats not the reason.  I just don’t like to drink a lot.  I say no because I don’t like to lose control over my own actions, so the most I will usually drink is a beer or two (since my tolerance is embarrassing).

I really don’t know where this post is going so I’m just going to end it here.  Stop hiding people.  It only hurts you and those who look up to you.  If you drink, at least be a positive influence and drink responsibly.  And stop pressuring me to drink!!! You know who you are! Haha I can not be swayed .

Man I hope I don’t get owned because of this…

PS: Blue Moon and Fat Tire has revolutionized my taste in beers.

PSS: The contents of this post does not represent Pastor Alex or CCM in any way, and is simply my personal opinion.

PSSS: If you are curious as to what alcohol tastes like, it is nothing special and it is over hyped.  You aren’t missing anything.

PSSSS: Anyone want to go to Father’s Office?

World on Fire

I know I’m not satisfied with what I have here.  Is it possible that I can be satisfied by actually having less?  I spent the last hour watching youtube videos and reading blogs of people who are currently in the peace corp instead of working on my assignment thats due in about 12 hours.  It makes me question what God is leading me to.

I feel him telling me that pharmacy isn’t what I should be doing.  He seems to keep reminding me that my purpose in life is to work with kids.  But I keep rejecting that notion and instead keep looking to financial stability instead of doing what is going to make me happy.  I can feel the pressure always chasing after me… and I don’t want to disappoint my family.

House of Sarang now seems like heaven on Earth but I can’t go back because of summer school.  I would kill to go back but I can’t…  responsibility takes priority.  CalTeach seems like it was so long ago, but I think of the kids all the time.  CalTeach actually made me look forward to Mondays, although Monday is always the most hated day of the week.  I still think of Andrew from Kaseo, but now contact has all been lost and I just hope he is doing okay now and hopefully is doing well in high school…

I hate how these crises always seem to happen when I am in the middle of midterms/finals.  Its probably just the stress talking, but I don’t know how much more of this blind path I can handle.  The obvious answer is to follow what makes me happy, but money and stability are the snake and the apple and I cant help but bite.

World on Fire – Sarah McLachlan

Fickle

So mysterious
How my eyes cannot stop
The steps you take
Strides of elegance
All from a distance
I can not shake it
It will not leave me
This newness is surely not fake
So quick to change
As if nothings happened
O how fickle this heart is
So exciting

Once again, I regret.

Midterm is in 13 hours, and here I am, just like I was last quarter, wishing I could turn back time.  Man, why can I never study progressively instead of cramming everything -_-;

The Credit Card Companies Must Hate Me

So I have tried to eat out/spend as little as possible during the month of January, and I compared my December and January credit card statements.  Spent $500 less! Yes! But of course this may be because I had to buy Christmas gifts and I always spend more money during December but it is a victory nonetheless.  Hopefully next month I can do better.

The credit card companies must really hate me.  For the year of 2009, I paid $0 in interest since I always pay off what I use.  I have accumulated $50-$75 worth of amazon gift cards from my Amazon CC and I am on pace to receive about $175 cash back from AMEX in pretty much free money.

Score: 1 point me, 0 points credit card companies

Trust and Fidelity

Side by side we walk
And I can feel the strength growing within
People talk, people laugh
But they just don’t understand
They say God is the only one you need
But you are God’s gift to me
The trust we share can’t be broken
Our fidelity can never be shaken
They are just jealous, without close friends
Not knowing how special this friendship really is

Ain’t gon tie me down

I’m back suckas

Country Music?!

I never thought I would like country music, but Taylor Swift and Lady Antebellum are both pretty good.  I’ve been listening to Lady Antebellums new cd a lot. Really good, even though it doesn’t have “I Run to You” which is probably their best song.